I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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