Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im six kinds of drunk right now
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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