sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
