i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
