dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
