no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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