I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
