I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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