So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
