i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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