Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
