The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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