it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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