I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
