my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
