there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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