creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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