Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
