And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
