Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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