who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
