his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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