He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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