I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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