so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
