I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
