if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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