go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
