just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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