dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
