I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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