All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
