Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
