And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
