We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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