So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
