so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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