I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
