Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
