Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
