In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
