1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
