I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
