True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
