u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
