I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
