hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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