I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
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