Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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