party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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