I'm going to jail i love you
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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